He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
