Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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