we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
