Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
