The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
