Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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