He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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