stop calling my apartment porn island.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
