Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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