I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
