So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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