I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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