I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
