i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
