I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
