So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
