Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
