You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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