ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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