I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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