I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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