it hurts more in the daytime
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
