Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize