Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You are the jesus of drinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
