ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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