There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
