"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
