Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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