I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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