Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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