cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize