nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
