you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
