...so i touched it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
