Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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