Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
