if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
