Pappa wants mamma naked
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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