I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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