When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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