Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
