I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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