I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
