you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
