I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
