I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
