I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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