So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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