I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just invented taco cereal.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
