At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
