Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
