did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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