You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
