We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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