Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
