i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
