im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
