could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
