I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
