i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
