the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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