Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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