Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
