You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
