just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
