Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
