You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
