He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
