My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
