just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize